Humans are animals, biologically speaking. Animals run. Humans run too. We run from predators. We run out of fear of the bad. But then we differ from other animals in that the fear we run from is occasionally the fear of something good happening. The fear of a positive force that might capture us. Hold us captive. And then like a genetically modified nail, hammer itself into our skulls, penetrating into our minds and finally give us that tiny spec of hope. Causing us to believe that good things exist. That good things happen. That they happen by themselves. Without superficial aids. Without hallucinations. Without lies. The deeper the nail gets into our head the more brainwashed we become. Then the whole positivity process begins. We wake up smiling. Go to bed smiling. Sing in the shower. Hate the songs that have deep meanings. Feel a constant sense of euphoria. Laugh out of nothing. And of course, let the sun shine through any rainy day. We'll be the sun for others. We'll leave them behind when they turn into rain because we don't understand them. We don't want to understand them because that will bring us to that cold patch in the back of our minds. The patch that remained frozen despite our current state of warmth. That patch will remind us that we too felt like rain. We too acted like the rain, pushing away the sun. This will make us think. The big smiles on our faces will start to fade but now it's too late. Everyone around us has gotten used to us being the sun. So as our euphoria escapes us with every breath we exhale, we become more hollow. But being that we are currently the sun, we keep that smile on our face. Our cheeks start to hurt. The smile starts to bore us- but we keep it on because we don't want others to know how we feel. We think that supergluing the paper smile to our lips will stop it from withering away. It will trap the last bit of hope we still have in the warm blood of our sunny hearts. But it doesn't. We keep getting more hollow. The cold patch in our minds starts to defrost, it's icy waters filling us, travelling to our hearts. We reach complete emptiness. The cold water condeses and clouds up the blood in our core, making it harder for us to portray emotion. Making it harder for us to feel. The defrosted ice spreads like a cancer through our bodies, infiltrating our souls too. Our acquaintances, who previously seemed like rain to us, morph into the sun as our eyes get blurry- In reality it is us who are changing not them- We fall back into the deep pit of feelinglessness. Of numbness. And then we start to run all over again. We run out of fear of the positivity hurting us again. It starts to look like a scimitar; bright, shiny, cold, hurtful and blunt in all of it's severe sharpness.
The cycle then starts again. The running. The bumping into. The feelings. The fading. The emptiness. The running.
Peace and Love,
Torii xo
The cycle then starts again. The running. The bumping into. The feelings. The fading. The emptiness. The running.
Peace and Love,
Torii xo
