Monday, January 25, 2010

There's always something else.

I don't need you.
I crave you.
You make my day.
I want to hate you.
You're everywhere.
I need to get away.
I need to escape.
I need to find a way out.
I need let go.
You need to let me go.
We live on needs.
And wants.
Desires,
Thoughts
and depictions.
They always smile.
And we find a reason not to.
There's always something else.
Something to make us think-
To make us wonder.
To make us feel.
To make us numb.
To make us hollow.
To make us blank.
To make us hurt.
But then again,
You're still standing there.
You won't let me let go.

Please do.

Peace and Love,
Torii xoxo

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Blank faces. Blank smiles.

Things change, i get it. I'm alright with that. I can move on- I can detach myself. But what i don't get is how you can just ignore me like that. One day you're up at one in the morning talking to me and then suddenly you just stop talking to me. You look at me as though im a cloud. You ignore me while acknowledging me at the same time. Why? All I need.. All I want is a reason. Just tell me why and let me move on!

I'm good at moving on. I always have been. But when you don't give me a reason to, i just don't manage. No matter how desperate i am to do so. I mean, you randomly find any excuse possible to talk to me and you talk to me for hours telling me about things which have nothing to do with me, let alone my general interests and now. Now it's just blank.

Blank faces. Blank smiles. Blank small talk. Blank feelings. Blank thoughts. Blank everything.

I miss how stuff used to be. When you'd pointlessly text me to tell me about how awesome it is abroad, when you'd comment on page just to try and make me go out that evening, when you'd spend hours chatting with me over msn and sending me music and above all when you'd talk to me.

Anywho, i'm off

Peace and Love
Torii xo.

But no one believed her.

What i have written below is a fragment. A guinnea pig. I might continue it, I might not.

"This evening, ladies and gentlemen, I would like you welcome our latest addition". Everyone in the circle clapped, some even whistled, at the young lady sitting in the north/west edge of the circle. She stood up and pushed a brown, wavy lock of hair behind her ear, flattened her black pencil skirt and introduced herself as the people around her quietened.
"Hi, I'm Ella-" She paused for a bit, trying to calm her nerves, and then her naturally hoarse voice continued "I'm 18, from Camden Town: I hear voices in my head, ugh different versions of my own?" With blaring cheeks, Ella sat down again and got back to staring at her feet as everyone resumed clapping.
"Thank you for sharing that with us, Ella," the dark skinned group instructor smiled, cleared her throat and resumed "Liam, perhaps you'd like to start today's session" "Yer, sure" He replied. "Very well then, how are you feeling this week? Any better?"
"Good evening, I'm Liam. This week i've minimized..." Liam, at age 20, was slightly on the tall side, had several interesting tattoos, and multiple piercings including a Septum, 14mm Flesh tunnel on his left ear, and an Industrial done on his right. He was there due to drug addiction, mainly L S D along with some other mild narcotics.

Let's leave it at that for the time being.

Peace and Love,
Torii xo

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I don't care that you care that i don't care about what you care about.

I'm not joking.
And you don't make me laugh.
You barely make me smile,
I have to force one out.
So stop going on about your crap.
I'm not interested.
I don't care how you feel-
This is how i feel.
Deal with it.
Get over it.
I don't care about what you care about.
I'm not interested in what you say.
Stop faking everything-
Learn to be you.
Or at least learn who 'you' is.
Yes, 'is' not 'are' as it's a state of being.
Just shut up in general.
And leave me alone.
Honestly.

I just thought you should know that.

Peace and love,
Torii xo.

Ps. if you really don't get anything i said, just look up the color green. That's why i used it.