Dead March

I haven't written in quite a while now, so I thought I'd update the page with some more of my pessimism. Wohoo.

I don't know what's wrong me, I'm just feeling angry all the time. Just as though there's someone whispering cold words into my soul, taking my feelings and emotions out of me and just freezing them. Replacing everything with anger. With nothingness. Any form of 'happiness' is just fading off, withering away and turning to nonexistence. I miss being young, when nothing would bother me and everything made me happy. And the happiness would remain. Nothing could take it away. But now my mind is full of thought. And reasons. And questions. And little unnecessary details. And my soul is hollow.

Malta sickens me. The people around me do too. And i feel like there is no point or sense in certain things. But here i am ranting on and not doing anything about it. The fact is i tried. Nothing works. Nothing changes my mood. My feelings. I need to leave, get away from everything. Everyone. The people who crowd my mind and the thoughts that form a thick mist, blurring everything around them.

Sail that Ship Alone by the Architects- perfect description of what I'm feeling. Or rather what I'm not. The song is repetitive, expressing the same emotion. It remains equal the further in it goes and just quietens out at the end. There is no singing in it, just some haunting noises lingering on. Tinging it with further void and confusion. It feels overall sepulchral and never ending. As though there is nothing that can change the constant descending cavity it is digging.

Anywho, I'm going to read a little now.

Peace and Love,
Torii xo

Empty as a hollow, plastic doll.

Just like a hollow plastic doll, i fall to the floor. I brake. I feel nothing. I don't react. I AM hollow, and nothing makes a difference any more. The cold outside has grown onto me. Into me. It has taken me over, rendering me helpless. Hopeless. The entire world could just collapse. Fall to earth and brake. Shatter like a great blue vase. Though the water in this vase has turned murky green, somewhat whey-like and all its beautiful flowers have died and withered away. Their petals have fallen and lost color. They have become dull and hideous to look at. All because of selfishness and neglect. And so the vase will crash and brake and release awful toxins. Others will pretend to care for a day or so- until something else happens. but what difference does it make to me? I am already unliving. Just like an outsider looking into a fragile fishbowl amazed at how goldfish never realize they are always swimming in the same water. Swimming around in the same circles. But who am i to judge. To open their eyes and make them aware of the vast ever changing lakes?

I am a plastic doll. Veiled. Hollow. Cold.

Peace and Love,
Torii xo