Friday, July 31, 2009

Happy birthday to you..

Happy birthday mandy. Thanks for a nice night. I should totally be in bed right now. I think i'm drunk, or tipsy. This doesn't feeel nice at all. And, by the way sorry for all the bad spelling. Well this is what it's like to be me right now:
I'm dizzy, the room is spinning, i'm taking forever to type because i keep messing up all the buttons. I´m talking to myself ( no vic, you're just sorting things out with your subconscious that's all.. -i hope sp at leadt) I'm probably going to wake up in the mornibg abgry at myself for haveign written the shittiest post ever..but you knpw what i don't give two fucks. i'm tired and wan to sleep. my face is numb. m whole body acrtually. i had a nice night met someone i hadn't sen in ages. my eyes are red and soom is spinning . can't move my toe.s. wlow. bluagjn,. think i'm gna pukle soon, fuck it m'hems x'taghmel. jaqq man qatt ma hassejtni hekk. nahseb li xrobt wisq. uqija l'aqwa li i don't puke, my parents down't find out and io'm not depressed or crying. *gets up. tries to walk in straight line. trips and fall over her own feet* what the fuck is wrong with me. aaah. finally a msg from ant. she said rthat all i have to do is lie and it will pass.

i'm going to do that bnow. goon night

peace and love,
torii xo

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Let's go drink some beeeer!

Okay, so the other night i was at Farson's Great Beer Festival enjoying a few with my pints with my friends. The pints, well, we drank them with an aim. A goal, if you will. That of getting tee-shirts. Goal- Reached. After that an ethnic local band finally started their show. Tribali. Amazing. Utterly.
While we were acting like hippies, singing along, jumping like retards and having an overall good time, Anthea mentioned something about a post i had previously written 'Slip into the eye of your mind', and i was hoping to share it with you as i think it is a great and suitable ending to the story. Here's what she said & what I had to say about it:

"It's as though the house was built with a little a back room which survived"

Agreed- A chill out room, if you will, where the bricks are relaxed and at peace with what is going on around them. They are aware of the change, and know they can't stop it. So they gradually begin to detach themselves from the house's other bricks as staying with them begins to feel awkward and uncomfortable. It's like when the other bricks come in contact with them, the bricks of the Chill out Room feel as though that space that was filled with peace, is now gradually being filled with concrete causing a horrible feeling. This little chill out room, can feel the burn and heat caused by the fire. Fire spreads and heat travels quickly from one brick to another. But the little room, being so small, manages to defend itself well against the fire and somehow doesn't burn down. It's the only room that manages to survive and all the other bricks that once made up rooms of the house find themselves alone, trying to salvage the last parts of their brick-like relationships.
The back room feels bad for them, but knows that it's probably for the best.

Here's to a great friend, as close as a sister even =)

Peace & Love,
Torii xo

Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon

The sound of a child crying in the background. Doors opening and closing. A gentle voice trying to be of comfort. Distant voices mumbling on coming out from the TV. That's all I can hear at the moment. At the same time my head hurts, and throbs with every extra sound. My stomach keeps cramping for some odd reason. And the heat and dryness outside are slowly getting to me. I'm supposed to be watching a dvd with my students, but, seeing as i'm not in a comic mood, i'm trying to stall taking frequent brakes using my head as an excuse. The thought of having to sit on the sofa with two other people, staring at a TV screen, forcing a smile to appear as though i'm enjoying myself just makes me feel more and more nauseated. I've suddenly taken interest in a book which i bought a short while because i thought the cover looked pretty and, now being halfway through, i'm eager to know the end, though the story is not of much interest to me. I've lost my apetite as an effect of nausea, and my dad was supposed to be cooking a nice special meal this evening. The thought of food..-No!
Just this morning i had an argument with my parents. I swear anyone in the house would have seen fireworks. My dad tried to make peace after half an hour of cold-shoulder saying his usual "Come on- Give me a smile. I can see that smile, you're just trying to hide it!" Jeez, I'm not five anymore. I guess it is sweet though, to a certain extent. But when I'm angry, I'm angry and sweet doesn't quite cut it. Thinking back after arguments like these, I do feel somewhat guilty of taking my parents forgranted. What if something were to happen on their way to work and i never get the chance to say i'm sorry? I know i'd never forgive myself. Some people say, you'll get over it as time passes and understand that they knew you loved them no matter what. But that's not true. I feel guilty for not telling my Granddad and Grandma that I loved them before they died. Okay my grand dad was in a coma, but i know he could hear me. Though my grandma, she was conscious untill the very last second Death came for her in his black cab.. I didn't see her for 3 days, I knew something was going to happen soon and i wanted to see her, but i didn't. And now i have feel this pain and this guilt for the rest of my life. I don't want it to be like that with my parents. Anyway, i don't feel like talking about this anymore. It's depressing me.
I think i'll go continue the gay film, for the 5th time or so.

Tata

Peace and Love,
Torii xo

Monday, July 27, 2009

All of the stars are fading away..

I miss winter. The rain. The cold. The unlimited use of hoodies to keep warm. My quilt. The dull weather. School. Thunderstorms. All things winter anyway.
I look outside my window and I can see the sun shining brightly. I can feel the heat slowly try to creep into my room and lay it's grimy hands on me. The trees aren't even moving as though they're stuck in some of kind coma. And what was once a light breeze, ran away faster than a cheetah running from a hunter. Even it is scared of this heat, so it's given up on trying to save me. Is a little rain too much to ask for?
I guess this is Earth's way of paying us back for all the damage we caused to her once beautiful land and children.These children- the trees, the fruits, the greenery, the herbs and the shrubs- are now disfigured, some of these have even stopped growing. Many are crippled, slowly waning down to the ground which they grew and spurted out of. Everyday they are being poisoned a little more, being fed pesticides, lead and carbon dioxide. They will die. They will eventually kill us with them.
The human race has always been scared of death. Each and every one of us is, whether or not we show it. So why can't we be a little more careful? Treat Earth better. Stop killing her and her little gifts and children. Stop throwing carbon and lead into the air as though they were some disgustingly scented perfume. Stop global warming. Let the temperatures sink back to normal. Let the rain come back and soothe us from this heat. Is that so much to ask for? A little consideration. I don't know..

I guess all i can do now is hope that the clowds will feel bad for us and wash the streets a little.

Untill then

Peace & Love,
Torii xo

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Vicious Circle

Ah..i'm currently listening to vicious circle, a reasonably old song by Caliban. All time fave song. I love it. Haven't heard it in ages since it got deleted off my pc and laptop and i can't manage to download it. A friend had told me abt it and got crazy abt it since then. The lyrics have such meaning behind them and the song itself it just amazing. Guitars have a wicked sound in my opinion. Listen to the lyrics properly and you'll actually feel what the person is saying. That, to me, makes a song great. The way the band as a whole portray their feeling and carry it out to the listeners to the extent that they also feel the song not just listen to it.

Hmm my nephew is attempting a butt ollie on my skateboard, but, having the body of the 2 year old that he is, he can't manage. Actually i wonder if anyone had ever manage to ollie on their arse. I'll try to remember to look it up later. I have heard of buss skating tho, my friend and i have gone pro at that, so i think someone must have been smart enough to try and put some physics into action and do it.

I have to go be supertorii- protector of buttskating children- now and save the nephew from crushing his hands under the wheels of the zero skateboard aka Joe =)

Peace and Love
Torii xo

Maggie May

Ah the bedroom, dulce et decorum est. I did enjoy last night very much though. Slept at nick's place, thanks Nick. We cooked, we cleaned, we attempted watching dvds, giulia gave me dreadlocks, we took photos, i held a fake spider for the 1st time in my life, we filmed eachother, my wife who was also there attacked me many a time, we talked, cried of laughter, juped from one mattress to another, tickled nick as hard as we could, listened to music and did some yoga..just to name some things.
Today i went down south to Marsaxlokk..disgusting place. The sea is dirty and full of dead fish and thier guts rather than happy fish swimming peacefully humming a tralalala song. The smell, revolting. The people..let me not go there. Well at least there was one man possibly in his late 70's who was actually quite nice. He was talking to some black men from jamaica and giggling with them about how nice it is there as well as talking about marijuana. I've never seen an old maltese man act unracist. This one was the first. Many of the others were just looking these men up and down giving them evils. I don't get it. We're all human. We're all equal. Why should we treat people differently. The Maltese should be the last to go all racist..we're not exactly white. Most of us at least. Anywho, at least there is one good thing about Marsaxlokk. The restaurants. They're pretty good, some of them. I should hope so at least, as i'm apparently going there for dinner tonight. Wish me luck. I'll tell you how it was later.

Talking about dinner, I'm hungry and this 70's music is inspiring me to do something different. Much respect going out to all of you, from a hungry "hippie"?

Peace & Love
Torii xo

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Material world

Sometimes a girl just can't resist..
Today i went shopping. I liked it. I bought a lot. Clothes. Shoes. Accessories. Etc.

The Maltese people are like big group of sheep- don't know how else to describe them. They follow each other blindfoldedly, what one person does some one else will soon follow. I'm not quite sure what this has to do with shopping but i just thought I'd let it out.

My credit card is apparently in pain due to the amount of times it has been swiped, and it also told me that it's drained..entirely. I think it's time i get a job since i don't know how else I'm going to make money. I do, to a certain extent, feel bad that i bought so much. Do i really need all those clothes? I know for sure there are others who need them more than i do. And besides i just spent all my money on something entirely material. But then again, the material shit did bring about something more spiritual- Happiness. Yes the happiness will soon fade, but so does most joy and glee. Apparently I'm starting to look and sound like a hippie- that's what my friends are telling me. I must admit that i do find the style quite appealing at times. The tie die. The relaxedness. The colour. I hate most of the patterns though. I'm not quite a patterns person i guess. Never have been.

Well, my dear people, i must now depart as i need to get ready to go a friend's.

Peace & Love
Torii xo

Friday, July 24, 2009

Place for my head

So, i'm currently sitting here awake in my bed with my laptop sitting in front of me. I'm dead tired but somehow can't seem to fall asleep. What to do? Oh, what to do? Hmm idea..Tea? Not sure anywho..yes i think i might be currently talking to myself about my sleeping problem but i'm sure we can put that aside for now.
Just got back from a gig. A band called Lost Connection was playing down at surfside earlier, and , unless i'm hallucinating, they were still playing when i left. I was quite enjoying it, relaxed listening to music & talking to friends.

The only problem, and here's the pessimistic side of me coming out again, the heat! Malta is just too bloody hot. I mean okay the idiots that painted the walls did them black, which absorbs heat during the day and lets it all out at night..but still it looked pretty. Anyway let's focus on the band again, i liked their music, it was nice. They played a cover of Use Somebody by Kings of Leon, which i couldn't help but sing along to and, correct me if i'm wrong, one of N I N which i absolutely loved. For some odd reason, which is still unknown to me at this early hour, i did not enjoy my beer. Ah talking about beer...
B E E R F E S T. It started today, i didn't go tho. Didn't quite feel up to it. My head hurts and i'm tired and also i had no idea of how to get back. & frankly, provided that i see No Snow/No Alps and Tribali, AND-note the caps lock- get my beer mug i'm happy.

Well i'm done typing for now..my finger's burnt and it told me to finish up..so, okay, i'll shut up now.

Peace & Love
Torii xo

Tree hugger

So today i spent my day on a boat. Out at sea.. well, it is malta we're talking about- out at sea is more like sailing up north for 2 or 3 hours and finally stopping. But anwho, it was quite nice i must admit. Saw some dolphins..it was pretty cool really, never seen them in malta before. We stopped at comino for a while before going back home, and it was pretty beautiful. It's great to see somewhere uninhabited where the sea is turqiose and you can see the sand at the bottom, and your eyes don't hurt when you open them underwater.
Wow i'm sounding pretty positive today..all the comino water must have gotten to my head..Ooh no wait!
-NEGATIVE PART -
We were at the beach, which was wayyyy overcrowded, and suddenly this beautiful black snake slithers calmly into the water minding it's own business. There were some spanish people next to it and the girls just freaked. They were all screaming and shouting, acting like it's the end of the world, you get my drift. So, the guys acting like muchos pick up a stick and were actually going to try killing it!! WTF?! you don't do these things people. Firstly it's not your island, it's malta's and Secondly- IT'S NOT YOUR ISLAND! The snake was there first! Gah..

Anywho, my veggie dinner is calling me.

Peace and Love
Torii xo

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Fake plastic trees.

Good ..midnight?
I've recently found myself grumbling on about how fake and artificial people can be. I mean why should you say something you don't mean? Act like someone you're not? Wear a skin that's not yours? and put on a mask which covers your face and true inner beauty? I believe that everyone can in some twisted way be beautiful, and i know for a fact that there is only one of each person. No one else can be like this person, no matter how hard they try. They could undergo surgery or be an identical twin..but no one is the same. The problem in this case arises when people try to act the same, look the same, talk the same- you get my drift. And said problem goes by the name of conformity.
This so called conformity has started to affect some acquaintances and i can see it eating at them bit by bit. The worst part is how unaware they are of what is going on. They feel some kind of change but deny it. They secretly like it. They want to be part of it. Change is good, but changing into someone you're not isn't. So here's to radio head for writing such good songs..

Peace & Love
Torii xo

Fascination..

Hmm this is from an app on Facebook, it calculated my life lol

I've been living for:
- 16 years
- 202 months
- 6,148 days
- 147,558 hours
- 8,853,487 minutes
- 531,209,236 seconds

and My heart has beaten more than 619,744,090 times

..n o t t h a t a n y o n e ' s i n t e r e s t e d
P e a c e a n d L o v e
T o r i i x o

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I write sins not tragedies..or is it the opposite?

Yes I am currently titling my posts with names of songs..
Anywho, I just have more thing to say before I abondon the blog for a short, possibly sleepless night.
This has to do with my previous post "Slip into the eye of your mind". Yes, the house burned down completely, the stoned eroded. Changed. Some even deteriorated completely. And there is now nothing left of it but memories of the past. Some beautiful. Some sad.

Peace & Love..and g o o d n i g h t =)
Torii xo

Slip inside the eye of your mind..

What do you see?

Currenlty i see a house burning down to the ground.

It's falling to pieces and no one can stop it,

or slow it down.

The last little pieces can't be saved, as all they are is abstract, pretenseful and fake. They're all a fragment of the imagination cooked up by the mind. Everyone knew the fire would come around some time soon, and the summer's heat clearly wouldn't help prevent it. But let's go back into the past, when the house was still being built, as for there to be an end, there must be some form of beginning.

Many bricks were brought together, all cut out from the same quarry but each one had a different story to tell, a different size, shape and meaning to the house. There were ones which formed the base and foundation and others built up into the centre, while the most recent ones settled down at the top. The house was fixed steadily and was warm and welcoming, it had it's little problems here and there but nothing that couldn't be fixed.

Eventually a time came when the house had to be moved, and during the uprooting many of the bricks fell out, finding themselves in new loactions. The foundations weren't the same for long and the few orignal bricks couldn't quite face the fact that they were now more alone. Soon new bricks were added so as to try and replace the old ones, but all they did was create negative reactions which no one would speak up about. The old bricks were missed, the new ones were being forced to fit in. Everything was being done in a conformist, materialistic manner, all trust was lost and the bricks were painted over so as to look as though they worked well together. Extra furniture was added, curtains and carpets to cover up the little messes here and there but yet the house was not the same. Eventually some of the bricks couldn't take it anymore and tried to back out but their movement somehow set off a light fire. The other bricks tried to move away from it and act like there was nothing wrong but this just provided more of a possibility for the fire to spread. And it did. Everything soon caught fire, leading to the present. The end. The heat is only making it worse. Not even the world's greatest fire engine can save this house..but who knows. Will the fire cool down by itself? Or will it keep burning untill all the artificial pieces of furniture, carpet and curtain have been burnt down completely leaving nothing but hurt to some?

The latter makes more sense to me. I know most of you won't understand it.. but read it with an open mind and you might get a glimpse of what it's all about. Well, at least i got that off my chest whether or not you get what it's about.

Untill next time,

Peace and Love

Torii xo

I think we have an emergency..


..and that would be M a l t a . That's right, the friendly little island in the middle of the Mediterranean, found just below Sicily. The perfect holiday location for party people from around the world.. The thing is, w h a t a b o u t l o c a l s ?


I for one can't take it anymore over here. It's small. It's overcrowded. There's nothing to do.

Nowhere to go. You can sight see the whole bloody country in a day! The c o n f o r m i t y is insane, in a stupid people-please-open-your-minds kind of way. You can't do anything without people frowning down on you in some kind of way, or finding something wrong about what you're doing. It's summer at the moment and temperatures are reaching 4 0 d e g r e e s c e l c i u s. I don't know what i'm going to do.. i passed all my exams so there's nothing to study, and even if..i'm not up to it at the moment. It's too hot to just stroll around and i'm currently sunburnt so the sunny beach doesn't seem like the best idea.

I very much miss going to the skatepark, but going during the day is begging to be turned into a l i t t l e c h o c o l a t e m u f f i n ( <>


Ooooh on the hand *tries to think happy thoughts* the luna park just came to malta. I wanna go i wanna go haha. It looks like fun, and it definately beats all my other "social" options ( going clubbing, chatting online/facebook/myspace, sitting in a bar discussing total bullshit, etc..). My friends and i usually go and enjoy it so it could be cool to check it out for old time's sake.. but anywho, for more happy stuff i'm going to make another blog.

Another problem in malta, the R O A D S ! I hate the roads here..no bike lanes- and, let's be frank, barely any decent pedestrian lanes- many of the roads are full of holes, they're completely polluted and there's no form discipline. Drivers are insane, people don't give two shits about road signs, traffic lights. I mean, why can't we just straighten out the roads, eliminate the pavement from one side , since roads are narrow and there are pavements on both sides (hallo?common sense?), change the eliminated pavement into a bike lane and fix up the other semi-deterioated pavement??


Oh well, That's all of my rubbish complaining for now which i'm sure no one really cares about seeing as it's coming out of the mouth a 17 year old girl who has nothing better to do at the moment than notice how gay the island i grew up on really is.


Peace and Love,

Torii xo