And sometimes at night i dream of the most horrible things..

Do you ever think back to the past?
Either subconsciously through a dream, or from an old text message you read while deleting others.
Do you ever remember how it used to be?
Be it better or worse.
Do you remember how you used to feel?
Do you remember how you used to make others feel?
Do you ever feel what you used to feel?
Do you ever think back to all the chances you had?
To all the chances you lost, to all the chances you'll never get back.
Do you ever stop and stare?
Do you ever remember?
Do you ever wonder?


Sometimes questions like to wonder the page alone; just as clusters of words and nothing else. No meanings, no answers. Just question marks. That's why so many of them can not be answered. Or don't need to.

Peace and Love,
Torii xoxo

Lines for the dishearted and illminded.

You used to.
But now you don't.

That's all i have to say.

Torii.

See your true colours.

I sit on the sofa,
staring at my blurred reflection in the glass window opposite.
I think about the past.
I remember it.
I remember what used to inspire me.
Who used to inspire me.
How that person made me feel,
How that person makes me feel.
How different that person has become,
Yet how similar the person remained.

People do not change.
They adapt.
They blend in,
Cover up,
Wear a mask.
Pretend.

People lie.
They lie about what they are,
Who they are,
Who they want to be,
Who they want you to be.

People conform.
They conform to society,
They conform to friends,
They conform to acquaintances,
They conform to what is asked of them.

They act like nothing matters,
Like nothing ever has
or ever will.

They say things;
things that they do not mean,
or know the meaning of.

They talk hate,
But know not of it
Because they have never truly felt it.

They talk of peace,
But can't truly imagine it,
As they have never encountered it.
They never will.

You will always be the same. You will never change. You can tell her that you have changed or will, you can tell your lawyer that you have changed, you can tell me that you have changed. But you have not. You do not know how to. You never will. You think you may have changed and everyone around you believes you, but upon travelling to the darkest depths of your soul and the most sepulchral parts of your oblivious mind; can you honestly state that you have?

I didn't think so.

Torii.

I got lost in the blink of an eye..

Right so. I come bearing great news =) Well at least it is great for me.

Firstly, I have finished some more designs. Very gradually a nice file of work is biulding up. Oddly I find sitting in my dad's shop really good for inspiration. Probably because it's full of his designs and what not.

Now, the thing that is actual 'news' is that I finally thought of an actual name for the line of clothes and what not. A brand name if you will. I thought i would blog about since i got some good feedback from the previous post in which i wrote about the designing thingy. Again, tell me what you think about it. So here it is:

Torii-O-Phrenic Designs.

Generic-ish yes i know. But I somehow like the sound of Designs at the end of it. To me it sounds like semi stage name, semi mental disorder. So i quite like it. But please do tell me what you think :) Ah dreams, dreams haha.

In conclusion-
Short post- Yes. However as always i shall write a concluding paragraph.

Dreams are not dreams if the rest of the world even lightly believes that they can come to life. For then they would merely be an easy reality such as getting the ferry boat from Malta to Gozo.

Peace and Love
Torii xoxo


PS! A super happy birthday goes out to my super bro, Karl.

English Summer Rain

This morning I woke up, in almost complete darkness, to the marvellous sound of pouring rain. Just listening to it made me fall asleep again, untill my dad woke me up for the fifth time. I guess the fact that my room was reasonably darker than it usually is when i wake up, made me think that it's still Five AM.

I rolled out of my bed, bumping my head on the bedside table- ouch- and dragged myself to kitchen for my coffee before performing my usual morning rituals. On the way to mass i got a fuzzy feeling in my stomach. The reason for thisall boiled down to the sky being so dark and padded with clouds along with the way the rain was puring down- it reminded me of the U.K. Summer in the U.K, actually. I miss it so much!

That was another pointless post, now wasn't it? (:

Ah well, Here's to everyone fullfilling they're farfetched dreams and to Emigration!

Peace and Love,

Torii xoxo

Kill the Director.

Ah blogger, blogger: I missed you so.
In my last post I did not actually use blogger, I just published from it. Now I'm writing directly from the blogger "New Post" page. I don't quite know why but it does feel different.

Currently I'm sitting in my room listening to The Womabts. I moved my desk right infront of the massive windows a couple of weeks ago in one of my crazy must-change-room fits. So, yes. I'm just watching the rain as it drizzles down looking like a curtain made from transparent ants. Am I the only who feels as though this weather is more like something one would find in australia at this time of year? I mean usually by now not only would many of us be tanned but we would have also started swimming and what not. I'm not complaining, mind you. If we could have this weather everday I would be as happy as a cartoon character, honestly. We haven't really had winter this year, or rain.

Does anyone know what a massive, red ERROR sign right under the 'Title' tab stands for? It keeps popping up, maybe it's just the internet connection.

Anywho, this was a pointless post but quite frankly i don't care :)

Peace and Love,
Torii xoxo

He came He saw He conquered: Or not.

He mumbled on, trying to impress the people he invited, with his daft, big-headed knowledge. Words pelleted out his mouth, landing explosively. They felt toxic; like some kind of mustard gas out to kill me. At that point Wilfred Owen trudged into my mind with his troop they were “knock-need, bent like beggars under sacks, coughing like hags”. I could hear shouting Gas, Gas, QUICK, BOYS! I was forced onto a chair as the young man in front of me carelessly probed my mouth with a metal rod; very much unlike Owen who only probed encumbered sleepers out of wonder. The voice that protruded from this man's mouth was muffled and the concoction of vowels and consonants stretched, as one would hear it in a horror movie. He leaned in towards me one last time leading me to the feeling that this was the right moment to get everything off of my chest.

I reached my arms out over my head until they reached his collarbone, gradually louring them across his white, starched collar- probably ironed by his mother, as I imagine a person like himself incapable of finding someone suitable to date, let alone marry. I gently wrapped my fingers around his chicken-like neck as he sarcastically raised his eyebrows and then, as he looked around as if for some kind of approval, I began tightening my grip, digging my bitten down nails into that area where the spine connects to the skull. Everything around me faded as I pressed on watching his face turn red and his eyes bulge out blood shod. Panic hooked onto each vein and artery in his body as he froze over; I looked into his hideous pupils and laughed whispering words into his ear which I could feel as they rolled of my tongue like frozen drops of blood. I let him gasp for air one last time and let go. I found no use in killing him, I don't even like the idea of murder anyway. Like this, the moment would forever be imprinted into his futile mind- He would live with it everyday.

As the rest of the room became clear again, I grunted and looked away. I wished I had actually done all that but being sent to psych ward wasn't a part of my plan for the day.

Peace and Love,

Torii xo