I don't like illusions, i can't see them clearly

School. Tomorrow.

I can't quite tell if i'm looking forward to it or not. I mean, i am. But i'm just not sure if i really want it. I can see for sure that it's going to be messed up. Seriously. The funeral's going to be held on tuesday at 9.15 i start Bio at 10.05, impossible much? Don't want to miss the funeral out of respect, don't want to miss bio since it's my 1st lesson of the year.*Meh* I need to sort out my Systems group before i lose stipend. At least if i change that group to 2.13 i'll have a a friend with me. Ughhh i need to buy books. I still haven't bought any. And i don't know which ones i need to buy. I have this weird eerie feeling about school tomorrow. Like there's something i'm forgetting. It always happens to me before i start school- It's like that monday morning feeling, you know?

I prepared my clothes- no wait, i need a hoodie. Umm my hair is done, i'll have to go over it in the morning though haha. I burnt my elbow -_-' Damn straightners. I need to charge my phone. My music. See that i have everything i need in my bag.

I'm listening to a wicked sick song at the moment. Sick puppies- All the same. I love it.

Anywho. Tiredness is gradually luring me to my bed with that sweet voice it uses. I'm off. There are some things that need to be finished before i hit the sack anywho.

Peace and Love,

Torii xo

When your heart stops beating..

He's gone.

I guess the worst part about being human is making attachments. It's so easy to get attached but we forget that when it's time to let go it hurts. I think us humans are selfish. We don't know what will become of a person after they pass away so we refuse to let go. We keep pressuring them to hold on.

It's unfair.

But there's nothing we can do about it. We're all the same. Even if we say we shouldn't make attachments, things are easier said than done. Especially with relatives.

R.I.P uncle Henry. You were a really amazing person and you will be missed. You already are. Anyways i hope you'll be happier where ever you end up because you deserve it. So, yeah, bye to a seriously siiick person- The good kind of sick.

Much Peace and Love,
Torii xo

By the way, i tried to say..

..that, yes, all my blog posts have titles which are part of lyrics. Don't believe me? Look them up then, retard.

P&L,
Torii xo

With a tear in your eye..

I don't know who to talk to right now. It's a saturday night and everyone is quite rightly out, enjoying it. I'm going write.. i generally manage to write what i feel better anyways.

So i just got back from the hospital. Total breakdown. To top it all up we even have a super serving of irony. My uncle's daughter might go into labor any time soon. So we have someone who's got one leg stuck in a big deep bucket and someone else waiting to come into this shithole of a world. I have come to the conclusion, also, that life is the world's biggest asshole. Fact.

My aunt is just sitting next my uncle. Her eyes are bloodshot. Her lips forced into a permanent, pursed frown. She just keeps holding his hand hoping everything will pass. She doesn't even want to get up from next to him. She loves him so much. She keeps saying how without him she's nothing. How she has no one else. How he's her life. And when she talks you can see all her pain in her face, it's like her eyes just turn into lips and talk out all her feelings. She doesn't even have to speak for her thoughts to show. Elaine got sent home because of her contractions. Maria, Stefan's wife, also left to take care of her baby and walk the dog. She said she'll be back later. Stefan insists on staying there. He's exhausted but he won't let the tiredness get to him. He promised his dad that he'll be there no matter what. He isn't quite the person who breaks promises.

I wonder what's going to happen next,
a late night call, an early morning scare
or a whole week or more of anticipation, hope or despair..

Peace and Love
Torii xo

Please don't tell me that i'm the only one that's vulnerable, impossible..

Life sucks. Period.
This was her point of view.

"Such a great day, today is" she sarcastically said thinking aloud. She felt lost. Entirely. Her hands were shaking out of anxiety. Her body temperature in general lowered. She had a migraine. She lost her appetite, even. The only way she could vent all her emotions was to type. . and her spelling, which was usually impeccable, sucked. She couldn't control any of her actions. All her friends were out, or off to work. Not that she blamed them. It's just that these things are noticed more when one feels the way she was at the time.

Her uncle was in hospital, fighting for his last few breaths. She saw him earlier that day. He looked terrible. Now her eyes began to tear up as she remembered walking up to him. Her aunt telling him that she was there. His eyes gradually opening to look at her and that one little word. "Hi". He even smiled at her, as hard as it may have been. She couldn't help but think of his children. A pregnant daughter, Elaine, who was due to go into labor any time soon. Standing there in her uncle's room she felt such respect for Elaine. She was having contractions but she still sat there by her father's side ignoring her own pain. Elaine had a brother, Stefan. He was standing behind his mother constantly trying to comfort her while making sure that his father was as comfortable as possible. Her heart sank as she tried imagining what she would do in their situation. They were being so strong. And she was standing there with tears streaming down her face. Unable to think. Unable to move. Everything that was happening was irreversable. Nothing could be done to stop it. To change it. Nothing.

She soon found herself staring at her golfish. Their colors clashing with eachother. One black. One orange. They were making funny noises with the water as usual. But today, a sound which was usually relaxing became irritating. Everything felt like a distraction. But there was nothing to get distracted from. All she felt was emptiness. Nothing could cheer her up. She felt so totally and utterly vulnerable. Suddenly her phone started to ring. The tone she usually loved just reversed and made a feeling of hatred arise in her. She picked up the phone and read the message. It was from her mom. The mother that she usually couldn't get along with. She messaging to say sorry for not being there. The girl didn't mind. She wanted her mom to be with her brother in the time when he most needed her there. As she got to the end of the message her eyes fogged up again. She was now imagining what she's do if her brother was stuck in hospital with an oxygen pipe stuck to his mouth. She was very attached to her brother even though he lived about 3hours away by plane. He was one of the few people who understood her. He was also a very big influence to her.

Her stomach randomly squashed up into a little ball again and she felt like hurling everything out. All her emotions. All her feelings. Everthing. But instead she pushed her wheely chair back from the laptop she was typing on. Got up. Found a shirt and put it on. Pulled out a random jumper. Left the room. It was time to go back to the hospital.. Just incase.

She forgot all about what she was typing and --- *Post has been abondoned*

Dedicated to my uncle. I don't know what will happen next but I hope it's for the better..

Peace & Love,
Torii xo

Super­cali­fragi­listic­expi­ali­docious..

Right, so. I haven't blogged in quite a while. Well i haven't posted really. I wrote quite a bit but never bothered posting it as i found it boring after having written it all. Anywho the point of today's blog is Long words..and sadism. How the two mix together? ..I'm getting there.




Hippopotomonstrosesquipdilophobia. How many of you have heard that word? None i bet. This beautiful word was concocted by a Psychiatrist.. a rather sadistic one at that. The point at which this Psychiatrist's invention of this word becomes sadistic is when we get to the meaning behind it. Hippopotomonstrosesquipdilophobia is in fact the phobia of very long words and, quite ironically, it stands to be the longest word in the English language at 36 letters.



Circumbilivagination. Doesn't this one look short in comparison to our previous word? I can already tell that you're probably trying to guess what this word means and the only thing you can come up with is some random wrong meaning due said word's last 10 words. Well, my dear, at 20 letters, Circumbilivagination has no connection what so ever to female genitalia it, in fact, means moving about in a circular motion or merely moving around. I greatly doubt that any of us will randomly walk up to our better half and ask "Would you like to circumbilivaginate with me, kind sir?" but if a word exists, it exists. And there's nothing we can do about it.



This next word is rather interesting. It is FORTY-FIVE letters long and also a disease one can get from coal mining. Drum roll please. Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Now doesn't this just look like a lovely word to someone hippopotomonstrosesquipdilophobicly challenged? Yeah. For their sake, this word is never, or at least seldom ever, used and does not count as the English language's longest word. It probably isn't even an actual word.



Entredentolignumologist. When i first read the word, i thought it had to do with dentists. No. Wrong. An entredentolignumologist is actually a person who collects toothpick boxes. Odd really. Even more odd is the fact that a word for someone who collects toothpicks is nonexistent.




Next up. Some places of interest in the US and UK.



Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg. This little number is found in the US, and is a Nipmunk name. Strictly speaking it means "You fish on the right side. I fish on the left side. None of us fish in the middle," in Redindian.



Now we can move back Europe, where i can mention the UK's longest-named place. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Yes. and No, it is not pronounceable. Let alone properly legible. This is a little village..and the jumble of words means “St. Mary’s Church in the hollow of the white hazel near to the rapid whirlpool of Llantysilio of the Red Cave.”



Back to phobias. I have three interesting ones i forgot to mention earlier.



This first word is rather short. But it made me laugh. Ecophobia. This is the fear of ones on home. I have come to the conclusion that the Cat-man who constantly invades my town has this phobia. I am pretty sure he has a home but he never seems to be there.



Aichmorhabdophobia. This, George- Yes, my good sir/madam i am calling you George from now on, is a fear of getting beaten by a pointy stick. Why this is the only get-beaten-by-a-stick-phobia is beyond me. I mean, other sticks have feelings too, you know? What happened to equality and anti racism?



And finally. Bathysiderodromophobia. This would be a fear of subways. No. The word subway is not even near mentioned in this word. But, honestly, who cares? It is a long word.. and a phobia. And, George, that is what counts.



I shall now depart and get ready to go to my Ex school in which i must bullshit teens younger than myself into joining Young Enterprise. Woopdifuckingdoo. All the information i inputted here has been researched so, yes, i am serious about these words.



Peace and Love,

Torii xo

Green skies and Black grass..

Here i lie, awake in my bed
I'm rolling around thoughts streaming through my head.
You're what I think about, day in and day out-
Not having you with me makes me want to shout.

So I'll cry and I'll scream again and again,
But I'll let out these feelings through paper and pen.
I sure hope you can hear me, where ever you are;
Since all this writing won't get me that far.

Yet here I still lie, half awake in my bed.
I miss you so much; although now you're dead.
I do really regret not saying goodbye,
And acting as though I've moved on is all just a lie.

So I'll cry and I'll scream again and again,
But I'll let out these feelings through paper and pen.
I sure hope you can hear me, where ever you are;
Since all this writing won't get me that far.

I just want you to know that I find it unfair-
One minute you're with me; the next you're not here.
Memories of you still linger, and run through my head.
I still feel you here with me, but i guess i'm misled.

This was a poem/song which i wrote a couple of years back after my Nannu died. These words hold feelings i still have till today and i guess they're all I have to say for today. You don't know what you've got untill it's gone so don't take things or people forgranted..

To my dearest Nanna and Nannu, who i miss greatly. I'll never forget you or let you go!

Peace and Love,
Torii xo