No, i don't want to give this a title or think of any lyrics that go with it.

*Bangs head on keyboard: yhuukljxbkljhxdñlv *

Why.
Can't.
I.
Write.
Anything?
???

I start something but scrap. It's not good enough, or i find it boring or it's just lame. This is lame too. Seriously, but it's a survivor i guess. I need to write. I need to *zvoga*... and i CAN'T!!! this suckssss. Ugh ffs.

*Slams laptop head thingy what ever it is down & storms out of bedrom*
..Fucking hell!

untitled

And you are my muse
my inspiration
when i write
my pink my black my blue
when i draw
my sky
my horizon
broadening my limits
making me go further
try harder
when i sleep
my dream
in my subconscious
when i paint
my color my brushes
My feelings
in patterns
on paper
they splatter
colors
and words
and thoughts
and dreams
my hope
my wake up call

This is how i see it i feel it i want it don't change it. Don't add stops and breaths just read it feel it be it!

Peace and Love,
Torii xo

You're the only song i want to hear..

I looked at him, his eyes stoking a fire so intense it could burn a hole through the sun, which was now positioned in the middle of the sky. Its rays were dividing us, splitting right through the middle of us like hot, freshly sharpened swords. Despite the smile that was gradually coming into place on his lips, his eyes restrained from morphing into a lie and told me of sad tales and worrying circumstances.

I was scared, almost, to peep through the windows of his deep black pupils any longer as they looked back into mine giving me the feeling that he could read me- My soul. My thoughts. My feelings. He reminded me of a song, I will possess your heart. So dark, so moving. Yet so beautiful and caring. The tunes of this song repetitively rang in my head like the church bell's toll on a cold dead day. He was so hard to read and was written different to Shakespeare's yet just as equally poetic and meaningful. Different to that of the east yet equally artistic and different.

He is real but abstract and lights up the room despite his core's darkness.

Peace and Love,
Torii xo

Don't let me drown..

I feel- depressed.

I don't know why. I just want to crawl up into a little hole and cry. Everything sucks at the moment. Malta is shitty as ever. I want to leave. I need to leave. I want to go Edinburgh or Germany..or Belgium. Anywhere is better than here. Three people too many have died. My uncle, Alex's dad, and a friend. The guy that i like definitely likes another girl- i don't know who. Everyone keeps asking what's wrong. All the people apart from the one person i actually feel like talking to. I was about to talk to a friend over facebook chat and just when i said hey, facebook decides to tell me that she's offline. What. The. Fuck? My parents aren't even capable of noticing when i'm upset. No. A priest who barely even knows me has to notice.

Yuck. I sound like freaking emo. I'm not. Know that. I'm also highly against them, but everyone feels upset once in a while. And, like a friend of mine said, Depression is second nature. My stomach is currently hurled into tight tight ball and it feels like a hand in there holding all my food from lunch stuck in my throat. I want to puke. I can't. This girl keeps talking to me on msn adding lol after everything and she's pissing me off big time. She's a friend of mine. She's sweet. I don't feel like her now.

I'm off to blankly stare at a screen which words come out of in co operation with the moving pictures on it.

Peace and Love -- This part was just out habit
Torii xo -- This too.

I spent so much time trying to fix your life that i forgot about mine..

So, I'm currently trying to regain my energy after yesterday's Take Off. I decided to go on facebook and after performing the usual rituals- checking comments, friend requests and the like- i took a quiz which seemed somewhat interesting. It is titled: How do you lie? ..and this is the result:

"You lie with your eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, but you protect your soul to the bitter end. You can control the amount of information your eyes give to people. When you lie, you are very convincing because your eyes seem to agree with your words. You can say so much with very little actual talking. People trust you, even if they shouldn't, but it takes a lot for you to trust anyone. When you gaze into peoples' eyes, it is an intense stare. People often look away because when they look into your eyes, they feel like you know all of there secrets; almost like you can read their minds. However, when you do trust someone enough to show them your soul, they get lost in your eyes and cannot look away. People who lie with their eyes are the most convincing liars.

You lie to protect people from the world, but you also lie to protect yourself. You like to keep the focus on others rather than yourself. At times, your friends will get on the subject of you and realize how little they actually know about you. You are good at slyly changing the subject, but there are people out there who recognize this behavior. These people are both your weakness, and your greatest friends. It takes a very understanding, intelligent person to understand what goes on inside your head. You often will hang out with people who don't quite understand what you are doing because you feel safer knowing no one is inside your head. You, however, are inside everyones' head. You know their feelings and motives and lie to manipulate them into doing the smart thing. You block yourself from others who think like you, but let them inside your head every once in a while, and you will find that it is worth the risk."

I find this result odd, frankly. And the reason for this is that it was actually accurate. Very accurate. And didn't have any bullshit, like most quizzes usually do.

So why don't we fall into the waves?

Peace and Love,
Torii xo

I don't like illusions, i can't see them clearly

School. Tomorrow.

I can't quite tell if i'm looking forward to it or not. I mean, i am. But i'm just not sure if i really want it. I can see for sure that it's going to be messed up. Seriously. The funeral's going to be held on tuesday at 9.15 i start Bio at 10.05, impossible much? Don't want to miss the funeral out of respect, don't want to miss bio since it's my 1st lesson of the year.*Meh* I need to sort out my Systems group before i lose stipend. At least if i change that group to 2.13 i'll have a a friend with me. Ughhh i need to buy books. I still haven't bought any. And i don't know which ones i need to buy. I have this weird eerie feeling about school tomorrow. Like there's something i'm forgetting. It always happens to me before i start school- It's like that monday morning feeling, you know?

I prepared my clothes- no wait, i need a hoodie. Umm my hair is done, i'll have to go over it in the morning though haha. I burnt my elbow -_-' Damn straightners. I need to charge my phone. My music. See that i have everything i need in my bag.

I'm listening to a wicked sick song at the moment. Sick puppies- All the same. I love it.

Anywho. Tiredness is gradually luring me to my bed with that sweet voice it uses. I'm off. There are some things that need to be finished before i hit the sack anywho.

Peace and Love,

Torii xo

When your heart stops beating..

He's gone.

I guess the worst part about being human is making attachments. It's so easy to get attached but we forget that when it's time to let go it hurts. I think us humans are selfish. We don't know what will become of a person after they pass away so we refuse to let go. We keep pressuring them to hold on.

It's unfair.

But there's nothing we can do about it. We're all the same. Even if we say we shouldn't make attachments, things are easier said than done. Especially with relatives.

R.I.P uncle Henry. You were a really amazing person and you will be missed. You already are. Anyways i hope you'll be happier where ever you end up because you deserve it. So, yeah, bye to a seriously siiick person- The good kind of sick.

Much Peace and Love,
Torii xo