Happy birthday mandy. Thanks for a nice night. I should totally be in bed right now. I think i'm drunk, or tipsy. This doesn't feeel nice at all. And, by the way sorry for all the bad spelling. Well this is what it's like to be me right now:
I'm dizzy, the room is spinning, i'm taking forever to type because i keep messing up all the buttons. I´m talking to myself ( no vic, you're just sorting things out with your subconscious that's all.. -i hope sp at leadt) I'm probably going to wake up in the mornibg abgry at myself for haveign written the shittiest post ever..but you knpw what i don't give two fucks. i'm tired and wan to sleep. my face is numb. m whole body acrtually. i had a nice night met someone i hadn't sen in ages. my eyes are red and soom is spinning . can't move my toe.s. wlow. bluagjn,. think i'm gna pukle soon, fuck it m'hems x'taghmel. jaqq man qatt ma hassejtni hekk. nahseb li xrobt wisq. uqija l'aqwa li i don't puke, my parents down't find out and io'm not depressed or crying. *gets up. tries to walk in straight line. trips and fall over her own feet* what the fuck is wrong with me. aaah. finally a msg from ant. she said rthat all i have to do is lie and it will pass.
i'm going to do that bnow. goon night
peace and love,
torii xo
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Let's go drink some beeeer!
Okay, so the other night i was at Farson's Great Beer Festival enjoying a few with my pints with my friends. The pints, well, we drank them with an aim. A goal, if you will. That of getting tee-shirts. Goal- Reached. After that an ethnic local band finally started their show. Tribali. Amazing. Utterly.
While we were acting like hippies, singing along, jumping like retards and having an overall good time, Anthea mentioned something about a post i had previously written 'Slip into the eye of your mind', and i was hoping to share it with you as i think it is a great and suitable ending to the story. Here's what she said & what I had to say about it:
"It's as though the house was built with a little a back room which survived"
Agreed- A chill out room, if you will, where the bricks are relaxed and at peace with what is going on around them. They are aware of the change, and know they can't stop it. So they gradually begin to detach themselves from the house's other bricks as staying with them begins to feel awkward and uncomfortable. It's like when the other bricks come in contact with them, the bricks of the Chill out Room feel as though that space that was filled with peace, is now gradually being filled with concrete causing a horrible feeling. This little chill out room, can feel the burn and heat caused by the fire. Fire spreads and heat travels quickly from one brick to another. But the little room, being so small, manages to defend itself well against the fire and somehow doesn't burn down. It's the only room that manages to survive and all the other bricks that once made up rooms of the house find themselves alone, trying to salvage the last parts of their brick-like relationships.
The back room feels bad for them, but knows that it's probably for the best.
Here's to a great friend, as close as a sister even =)
Peace & Love,
Torii xo
While we were acting like hippies, singing along, jumping like retards and having an overall good time, Anthea mentioned something about a post i had previously written 'Slip into the eye of your mind', and i was hoping to share it with you as i think it is a great and suitable ending to the story. Here's what she said & what I had to say about it:
"It's as though the house was built with a little a back room which survived"
Agreed- A chill out room, if you will, where the bricks are relaxed and at peace with what is going on around them. They are aware of the change, and know they can't stop it. So they gradually begin to detach themselves from the house's other bricks as staying with them begins to feel awkward and uncomfortable. It's like when the other bricks come in contact with them, the bricks of the Chill out Room feel as though that space that was filled with peace, is now gradually being filled with concrete causing a horrible feeling. This little chill out room, can feel the burn and heat caused by the fire. Fire spreads and heat travels quickly from one brick to another. But the little room, being so small, manages to defend itself well against the fire and somehow doesn't burn down. It's the only room that manages to survive and all the other bricks that once made up rooms of the house find themselves alone, trying to salvage the last parts of their brick-like relationships.
The back room feels bad for them, but knows that it's probably for the best.
Here's to a great friend, as close as a sister even =)
Peace & Love,
Torii xo
Yesterday I woke up sucking a lemon
The sound of a child crying in the background. Doors opening and closing. A gentle voice trying to be of comfort. Distant voices mumbling on coming out from the TV. That's all I can hear at the moment. At the same time my head hurts, and throbs with every extra sound. My stomach keeps cramping for some odd reason. And the heat and dryness outside are slowly getting to me. I'm supposed to be watching a dvd with my students, but, seeing as i'm not in a comic mood, i'm trying to stall taking frequent brakes using my head as an excuse. The thought of having to sit on the sofa with two other people, staring at a TV screen, forcing a smile to appear as though i'm enjoying myself just makes me feel more and more nauseated. I've suddenly taken interest in a book which i bought a short while because i thought the cover looked pretty and, now being halfway through, i'm eager to know the end, though the story is not of much interest to me. I've lost my apetite as an effect of nausea, and my dad was supposed to be cooking a nice special meal this evening. The thought of food..-No!
Just this morning i had an argument with my parents. I swear anyone in the house would have seen fireworks. My dad tried to make peace after half an hour of cold-shoulder saying his usual "Come on- Give me a smile. I can see that smile, you're just trying to hide it!" Jeez, I'm not five anymore. I guess it is sweet though, to a certain extent. But when I'm angry, I'm angry and sweet doesn't quite cut it. Thinking back after arguments like these, I do feel somewhat guilty of taking my parents forgranted. What if something were to happen on their way to work and i never get the chance to say i'm sorry? I know i'd never forgive myself. Some people say, you'll get over it as time passes and understand that they knew you loved them no matter what. But that's not true. I feel guilty for not telling my Granddad and Grandma that I loved them before they died. Okay my grand dad was in a coma, but i know he could hear me. Though my grandma, she was conscious untill the very last second Death came for her in his black cab.. I didn't see her for 3 days, I knew something was going to happen soon and i wanted to see her, but i didn't. And now i have feel this pain and this guilt for the rest of my life. I don't want it to be like that with my parents. Anyway, i don't feel like talking about this anymore. It's depressing me.
I think i'll go continue the gay film, for the 5th time or so.
Tata
Peace and Love,
Torii xo
Just this morning i had an argument with my parents. I swear anyone in the house would have seen fireworks. My dad tried to make peace after half an hour of cold-shoulder saying his usual "Come on- Give me a smile. I can see that smile, you're just trying to hide it!" Jeez, I'm not five anymore. I guess it is sweet though, to a certain extent. But when I'm angry, I'm angry and sweet doesn't quite cut it. Thinking back after arguments like these, I do feel somewhat guilty of taking my parents forgranted. What if something were to happen on their way to work and i never get the chance to say i'm sorry? I know i'd never forgive myself. Some people say, you'll get over it as time passes and understand that they knew you loved them no matter what. But that's not true. I feel guilty for not telling my Granddad and Grandma that I loved them before they died. Okay my grand dad was in a coma, but i know he could hear me. Though my grandma, she was conscious untill the very last second Death came for her in his black cab.. I didn't see her for 3 days, I knew something was going to happen soon and i wanted to see her, but i didn't. And now i have feel this pain and this guilt for the rest of my life. I don't want it to be like that with my parents. Anyway, i don't feel like talking about this anymore. It's depressing me.
I think i'll go continue the gay film, for the 5th time or so.
Tata
Peace and Love,
Torii xo
Monday, July 27, 2009
All of the stars are fading away..
I miss winter. The rain. The cold. The unlimited use of hoodies to keep warm. My quilt. The dull weather. School. Thunderstorms. All things winter anyway.
I look outside my window and I can see the sun shining brightly. I can feel the heat slowly try to creep into my room and lay it's grimy hands on me. The trees aren't even moving as though they're stuck in some of kind coma. And what was once a light breeze, ran away faster than a cheetah running from a hunter. Even it is scared of this heat, so it's given up on trying to save me. Is a little rain too much to ask for?
I guess this is Earth's way of paying us back for all the damage we caused to her once beautiful land and children.These children- the trees, the fruits, the greenery, the herbs and the shrubs- are now disfigured, some of these have even stopped growing. Many are crippled, slowly waning down to the ground which they grew and spurted out of. Everyday they are being poisoned a little more, being fed pesticides, lead and carbon dioxide. They will die. They will eventually kill us with them.
The human race has always been scared of death. Each and every one of us is, whether or not we show it. So why can't we be a little more careful? Treat Earth better. Stop killing her and her little gifts and children. Stop throwing carbon and lead into the air as though they were some disgustingly scented perfume. Stop global warming. Let the temperatures sink back to normal. Let the rain come back and soothe us from this heat. Is that so much to ask for? A little consideration. I don't know..
I guess all i can do now is hope that the clowds will feel bad for us and wash the streets a little.
Untill then
Peace & Love,
Torii xo
I look outside my window and I can see the sun shining brightly. I can feel the heat slowly try to creep into my room and lay it's grimy hands on me. The trees aren't even moving as though they're stuck in some of kind coma. And what was once a light breeze, ran away faster than a cheetah running from a hunter. Even it is scared of this heat, so it's given up on trying to save me. Is a little rain too much to ask for?
I guess this is Earth's way of paying us back for all the damage we caused to her once beautiful land and children.These children- the trees, the fruits, the greenery, the herbs and the shrubs- are now disfigured, some of these have even stopped growing. Many are crippled, slowly waning down to the ground which they grew and spurted out of. Everyday they are being poisoned a little more, being fed pesticides, lead and carbon dioxide. They will die. They will eventually kill us with them.
The human race has always been scared of death. Each and every one of us is, whether or not we show it. So why can't we be a little more careful? Treat Earth better. Stop killing her and her little gifts and children. Stop throwing carbon and lead into the air as though they were some disgustingly scented perfume. Stop global warming. Let the temperatures sink back to normal. Let the rain come back and soothe us from this heat. Is that so much to ask for? A little consideration. I don't know..
I guess all i can do now is hope that the clowds will feel bad for us and wash the streets a little.
Untill then
Peace & Love,
Torii xo
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Vicious Circle
Ah..i'm currently listening to vicious circle, a reasonably old song by Caliban. All time fave song. I love it. Haven't heard it in ages since it got deleted off my pc and laptop and i can't manage to download it. A friend had told me abt it and got crazy abt it since then. The lyrics have such meaning behind them and the song itself it just amazing. Guitars have a wicked sound in my opinion. Listen to the lyrics properly and you'll actually feel what the person is saying. That, to me, makes a song great. The way the band as a whole portray their feeling and carry it out to the listeners to the extent that they also feel the song not just listen to it.
Hmm my nephew is attempting a butt ollie on my skateboard, but, having the body of the 2 year old that he is, he can't manage. Actually i wonder if anyone had ever manage to ollie on their arse. I'll try to remember to look it up later. I have heard of buss skating tho, my friend and i have gone pro at that, so i think someone must have been smart enough to try and put some physics into action and do it.
I have to go be supertorii- protector of buttskating children- now and save the nephew from crushing his hands under the wheels of the zero skateboard aka Joe =)
Peace and Love
Torii xo
Hmm my nephew is attempting a butt ollie on my skateboard, but, having the body of the 2 year old that he is, he can't manage. Actually i wonder if anyone had ever manage to ollie on their arse. I'll try to remember to look it up later. I have heard of buss skating tho, my friend and i have gone pro at that, so i think someone must have been smart enough to try and put some physics into action and do it.
I have to go be supertorii- protector of buttskating children- now and save the nephew from crushing his hands under the wheels of the zero skateboard aka Joe =)
Peace and Love
Torii xo
Maggie May
Ah the bedroom, dulce et decorum est. I did enjoy last night very much though. Slept at nick's place, thanks Nick. We cooked, we cleaned, we attempted watching dvds, giulia gave me dreadlocks, we took photos, i held a fake spider for the 1st time in my life, we filmed eachother, my wife who was also there attacked me many a time, we talked, cried of laughter, juped from one mattress to another, tickled nick as hard as we could, listened to music and did some yoga..just to name some things.
Today i went down south to Marsaxlokk..disgusting place. The sea is dirty and full of dead fish and thier guts rather than happy fish swimming peacefully humming a tralalala song. The smell, revolting. The people..let me not go there. Well at least there was one man possibly in his late 70's who was actually quite nice. He was talking to some black men from jamaica and giggling with them about how nice it is there as well as talking about marijuana. I've never seen an old maltese man act unracist. This one was the first. Many of the others were just looking these men up and down giving them evils. I don't get it. We're all human. We're all equal. Why should we treat people differently. The Maltese should be the last to go all racist..we're not exactly white. Most of us at least. Anywho, at least there is one good thing about Marsaxlokk. The restaurants. They're pretty good, some of them. I should hope so at least, as i'm apparently going there for dinner tonight. Wish me luck. I'll tell you how it was later.
Talking about dinner, I'm hungry and this 70's music is inspiring me to do something different. Much respect going out to all of you, from a hungry "hippie"?
Peace & Love
Torii xo
Today i went down south to Marsaxlokk..disgusting place. The sea is dirty and full of dead fish and thier guts rather than happy fish swimming peacefully humming a tralalala song. The smell, revolting. The people..let me not go there. Well at least there was one man possibly in his late 70's who was actually quite nice. He was talking to some black men from jamaica and giggling with them about how nice it is there as well as talking about marijuana. I've never seen an old maltese man act unracist. This one was the first. Many of the others were just looking these men up and down giving them evils. I don't get it. We're all human. We're all equal. Why should we treat people differently. The Maltese should be the last to go all racist..we're not exactly white. Most of us at least. Anywho, at least there is one good thing about Marsaxlokk. The restaurants. They're pretty good, some of them. I should hope so at least, as i'm apparently going there for dinner tonight. Wish me luck. I'll tell you how it was later.
Talking about dinner, I'm hungry and this 70's music is inspiring me to do something different. Much respect going out to all of you, from a hungry "hippie"?
Peace & Love
Torii xo
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Material world
Sometimes a girl just can't resist..
Today i went shopping. I liked it. I bought a lot. Clothes. Shoes. Accessories. Etc.
The Maltese people are like big group of sheep- don't know how else to describe them. They follow each other blindfoldedly, what one person does some one else will soon follow. I'm not quite sure what this has to do with shopping but i just thought I'd let it out.
My credit card is apparently in pain due to the amount of times it has been swiped, and it also told me that it's drained..entirely. I think it's time i get a job since i don't know how else I'm going to make money. I do, to a certain extent, feel bad that i bought so much. Do i really need all those clothes? I know for sure there are others who need them more than i do. And besides i just spent all my money on something entirely material. But then again, the material shit did bring about something more spiritual- Happiness. Yes the happiness will soon fade, but so does most joy and glee. Apparently I'm starting to look and sound like a hippie- that's what my friends are telling me. I must admit that i do find the style quite appealing at times. The tie die. The relaxedness. The colour. I hate most of the patterns though. I'm not quite a patterns person i guess. Never have been.
Well, my dear people, i must now depart as i need to get ready to go a friend's.
Peace & Love
Torii xo
Today i went shopping. I liked it. I bought a lot. Clothes. Shoes. Accessories. Etc.
The Maltese people are like big group of sheep- don't know how else to describe them. They follow each other blindfoldedly, what one person does some one else will soon follow. I'm not quite sure what this has to do with shopping but i just thought I'd let it out.
My credit card is apparently in pain due to the amount of times it has been swiped, and it also told me that it's drained..entirely. I think it's time i get a job since i don't know how else I'm going to make money. I do, to a certain extent, feel bad that i bought so much. Do i really need all those clothes? I know for sure there are others who need them more than i do. And besides i just spent all my money on something entirely material. But then again, the material shit did bring about something more spiritual- Happiness. Yes the happiness will soon fade, but so does most joy and glee. Apparently I'm starting to look and sound like a hippie- that's what my friends are telling me. I must admit that i do find the style quite appealing at times. The tie die. The relaxedness. The colour. I hate most of the patterns though. I'm not quite a patterns person i guess. Never have been.
Well, my dear people, i must now depart as i need to get ready to go a friend's.
Peace & Love
Torii xo
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