The sound of a child crying in the background. Doors opening and closing. A gentle voice trying to be of comfort. Distant voices mumbling on coming out from the TV. That's all I can hear at the moment. At the same time my head hurts, and throbs with every extra sound. My stomach keeps cramping for some odd reason. And the heat and dryness outside are slowly getting to me. I'm supposed to be watching a dvd with my students, but, seeing as i'm not in a comic mood, i'm trying to stall taking frequent brakes using my head as an excuse. The thought of having to sit on the sofa with two other people, staring at a TV screen, forcing a smile to appear as though i'm enjoying myself just makes me feel more and more nauseated. I've suddenly taken interest in a book which i bought a short while because i thought the cover looked pretty and, now being halfway through, i'm eager to know the end, though the story is not of much interest to me. I've lost my apetite as an effect of nausea, and my dad was supposed to be cooking a nice special meal this evening. The thought of food..-No!
Just this morning i had an argument with my parents. I swear anyone in the house would have seen fireworks. My dad tried to make peace after half an hour of cold-shoulder saying his usual "Come on- Give me a smile. I can see that smile, you're just trying to hide it!" Jeez, I'm not five anymore. I guess it is sweet though, to a certain extent. But when I'm angry, I'm angry and sweet doesn't quite cut it. Thinking back after arguments like these, I do feel somewhat guilty of taking my parents forgranted. What if something were to happen on their way to work and i never get the chance to say i'm sorry? I know i'd never forgive myself. Some people say, you'll get over it as time passes and understand that they knew you loved them no matter what. But that's not true. I feel guilty for not telling my Granddad and Grandma that I loved them before they died. Okay my grand dad was in a coma, but i know he could hear me. Though my grandma, she was conscious untill the very last second Death came for her in his black cab.. I didn't see her for 3 days, I knew something was going to happen soon and i wanted to see her, but i didn't. And now i have feel this pain and this guilt for the rest of my life. I don't want it to be like that with my parents. Anyway, i don't feel like talking about this anymore. It's depressing me.
I think i'll go continue the gay film, for the 5th time or so.
Tata
Peace and Love,
Torii xo
hey vic...nice stry:)
ReplyDeletei hv nutin else to say but IM HERE
x xnicx x
You're never alone, I'm always near,
When your troubled, down or blue.
All you have to do is call me,
I'm always here for you.
It doesn't matter where I'm at,
It doesn't matter when.
When you need someone to talk to,
I'm here to be your friend.
If you need someone to hold your hand,
or a hug to say I care.
If you need a shoulder to cry on,
for you I will be there.
So never think you are a burden,
when the weight gets to be to much.
You might find if look hard enough,
a good friend could be the right touch.
You're never alone, I'm always here,
through the good times and the bad.
I'm always here to be your friend,
I don't like to see you sad.